Dear, President Obama, please help us!
Dear President Obama,
We, the loyal citizens of Baja Arizona, desperately need your help. We are being held captive by a band of marauding, Narcissistic know-nothings from the north.
Under the ironclad control of their ruthless, maniacal leader, Emperor Russell Pearce and his hand-maiden Jan Brewer, the Empire of Maricopa has lost sight of what is good for the citizens of Arizona, in general, and the citizens of Baja Arizona, in particular.
The Empire of Maricopa has held us Bajans against our will and stolen our tax dollars for decades. Now that they want to secede from the United States of America– and have the guns and the anger to do it– we feel that they have gone too far. We want our own state!
The Emperor and his Lackey Legislature have robbed Bajans of our tax money, raped our school/university systems, and highjacked our children’s future to pay for pet projects like private prisons, corporate welfare, discriminatory laws, and unnecessary court battles with the federal government– while ignoring our state’s budgetary problems. Mr. President, they even want to use our pristine open spaces as a nuclear waste dump for the rest of the country!
They starve our cities by withholding revenue-sharing, and they enact laws that meddle with our local government’s sovereignty and attack specific ethnic groups and specific curricula in our schools. They waste time and tax dollars on unnecessary and discriminatory legislation while continuing to ignore our state’s problems, which the Emporer and his Lackey Legislature created as a result of extreme, long-term fiscal mismanagement.
The citizens of Baja Arizona are tired of taxation without representation in the Arizona’s Lackey Legislature. Year after year, the loyal US citizens of Baja Arizona elect reasonable, intelligent state representatives and senators and send them to Phoenix to be ignored by the white power elite of the Empire.
We, the citizens of Baja Arizona, believe:
In open, representative government by and for real, flesh-and-blood People– not corporations.
In equality and the value of human life– regardless of race, ethnicity, national origin, gender, sexual orientation or religion– even after birth.
In progressive ideals– like public education, public health services, a living wage, clean energy, clean environment, and cultural diversity.
In nurturing, educating, and caring for future generations as they mature–rather than casting them off to fend for themselves after birth.
That it is an abomination to fund prisons at a higher level than schools or universities.
That tax dollars should be used for the public good– rather than corporate welfare.
That you are a citizen, Mr. President, and we won’t make you show a birth certificate when we hold the Baja Arizona presidential primary in 2012.
And, lastly, we believe in the sovereignty of the US government and choose you as our leader over Emperor Pearce.
Please help us in our struggle to free ourselves from tyranny.
Ya Basta!
Viva Baja Arizona. Libertad! Igualdad! Fraternidad!
Your humble scribe,
The Tucson Progressive
[tnipoll]
P.S. If you want to Start Our State, join this facebook group. If you’re not on facebook, join!
11 comments on “Dear, President Obama, please help us!”
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Tucson Progressive 
Don’t you think the joke of a seccessionist movement is becoming distracting from the Real problems we are facing from the rule of Pearce ?
There ain’t gonna be a Baja Arizona – and we really DO need help from the Feds. Especially the Justice Department.
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I think the Baja Arizona movement and the recalls against Brewer and Pearce are signs of how seriously unhappy many Arizonans are with our current government. The problem is: They aren’t listening and don’t give a sh*t about serving the citizens of our state.
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>I think the Baja Arizona movement and the recalls against Brewer and Pearce are signs of how seriously unhappy many Arizonans are with our current government
They certainly are – but they are also stupid political theater that everyone knows have zero chance of success.
That doesn’t necessarily reflect highly upon their proponents – happy or not. It makes them look emotional and irrational. (sort of 3sonoran 😉 )
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I don’t think it’s a distraction at all, I think it’s the opposite – it will draw attention to the fact that a great many of us are completely fed up with what’s going on in Phoenix, that we’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore.
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> we’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore.
Mad as hell – true.
Not going to take it any more – doesn’t prevent that at all, in fact it makes you look ineffectual and clueless. Anyone with the slightest knowledge of what goes into Statehood can only regard this as the joke of a comic writer – which it is.
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I think you are right on! Except, you will probably be better off by joining Mexico. I for one would certainly vote that southern Arizona become part of the great country of Mexico. Most of the people here would love it…they could renounce their US citizenship, smoke all the pot they want, and wouldn’t have to worry about pesky things like guns or personal property. Everything would belong to everyone. And I even have the name for this new Mexican state…Paraiso de Tontos!
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Medical marijuana did get more votes in Pima County than Jan Brewer. 🙂
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I wonder why.
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We aren’t knuckle dragging Neanderthals under the control of religious nutjobs.
It’s simple.
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I agree that it is not at all a distraction to call for secession from the State. It is merely and exaggerated expression of our should I say horror over the events in Maricopa County? These fanatics are racing headlong into the destruction of the State. They must be stopped before all that remains is rubble.
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journalism
?
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